Category Archives: self

“Living For Everyone Else Except Yourself”

A Good Heart, The gift and curse that some of us have. They say “No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart” and while in fact that may be true, is it a good thing. Having a good heart and caring for others is perfectly ok and is an alluring quality to have, but to what extent? How can you tell when you have reached a point In your life where your good-hearted ways have transformed you into a “People Pleaser”? Once you do realize what you have become how do you just end it? Like I stated before its is The gift and the curse.

We all want what best for the people around us and we always want to be there for them and that is perfectly normal. I think that in the mist of attempting to always be there for everyone around you start to lose your self. The things you did do to try to either help or just because your kind can start to become things your are forced to do. Once caught in the web of doing acts of kindness your start to put other people’s needs before your own as well as other people’s wants.  In doing and doing and doing you start to get to a point where you can’t say no. What you once did out of generosity has now become expected of you. You start to push aside the things you want to do and things that you should be doing for everyone else. You than become a doormat, a person who allows everyone else to walk right over them. In the expedition of making everyone else happy, you create misery in your own life. Why do we do this?

I have come to realize that a major part of it is fear among many other reasons. Whether it’s the fear of being left, fear of losing a friend, fear of what would be said about you and so on. Allowing fear to consume your life in this matter has got to be the most unhealthiest way to live. You have to know when you have reached a point of neglect in your life. We allow despair to make our decisions. what we don’t realize is that we are causing our own destruction. Our friends or partners  or family members are not to blame. Instead it is yourself. You chose to put your desires and your own commitments aside for the world. You created the “People Pleasing” Role on your own, until you can understand and accept that you will continue to live angst of not doing everything for everyone.

In my readings I came across a quote that I believe people who have let themselves reach this point and are ready to change it should repeat to themselves on a daily basis.

It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to say no to someone you love. It’s okay to say no to a friend. It’s okay to say no to a parent or child. It’s okay to say no to a job or relationship. It’s okay to say no to sexual advances. And it’s okay to say no to a person who’s romantically interested in you. Even if it hurts someone’s feelings, even if you disappoint people, even if you’re judged and ostracized — it’s okay to say no to anything and anyone that causes you pain or makes you uncomfortable. You’re allowed to put yourself first. You’re allowed to set limits and boundaries. And you deserve to make your happiness and wellbeing a priority. You don’t ever have to settle for something or someone who doesn’t feel right. And you definitely don’t have to compromise yourself for the sake of making other people happy. You have to take care of yourself, and if that means saying no, it’s more than okay.”  —Daniell Koepke
Are you ready to culminate these ways, if so the one thing you have to understand and accept is that not everyone is going to contentedly grasp on to this change. You have to be okay with that. Realize that you have brought it to the point where you will start to lose people and people will become upset with this transition. The people who you would want in your life are the ones that may be a little wary or uneasy to this life adjustment but they will still be in your life and they will learn to accept and understand it as well.  Emily Roberts has come up with 7 steps to stop being “People Please” which can be found along with more helpful information on http://www.healthyplace.com ; the go as followed:
  1. Stop. Literally stop right now and think about the times you have said yes, when you really wanted to say no.
  2. Take your time. If someone asks for a favor, take time to think about it or check your schedule.
  3. Be Fair. Am I being fair to myself and others in my life if I say yes?
  4. Don’t over apologize. If you can’t make a commitment or have to say no, a simple “I am sorry” is fine.
  5. Start small. Limit your availability to help, set a time limit, or ask for assistance on small things.
  6. Forget the fear. If others get mad because you say no occasionally, they are not people you should be surrounding yourself with anyways.
  7. Ask for help. recognizing when it’s too much to handle or if you need help is a sign of someone who is confident and assertive.

Free your self from the prison you live in. Advise yourself that your ideas, thoughts, and feelings matter to. Take care of yourself , you deserve to receive what you desire. In the process some people may squander from your life but in the end you are left with a refreshing life filled with delight and jubilation. #ThatsJustMyOpinion

“People will forget all the things you have done, But hold against you, the one thing you couldn’t do”